My Husband Never Apologizes, 3 Ways to Make Him Take Responsibility and Stop Hurting You
Having your husband let you down or say something that hurts you is bad enough. But what if he won’t admit it and say he’s sorry? You wonder whether he’s callous or just clueless.
The pain feels more intense when you think about how easily he could offer the words you’re longing to hear but he won’t. It makes you wonder: did he think it was okay to blame you that the car broke down then leave you stranded?
And what about those nasty things he said during a fight? Doesn’t he want to take them back? And what part of “Having drinks with a female coworker is not okay” doesn’t he understand? Why can’t he just admit he was wrong and apologize?
Now, here are 3 ways to get your husband to apologize and stop hurting you.
1. Let Him Listen to His Conscience
For example, someone named Sarah let her husband know she wanted to get to a birthday party early with her contribution to the food. He agreed they would leave early. So she was disappointed when he got home too late for them to be on time, much less early.
In the old days, she would have let him know she was upset and reminded him that he had said he would be home earlier and explained all the headaches he was causing for her. She would have included heavy sighs and interrogation about what the holdup had been. And probably made a sarcastic remark or two.
But not this time. Sarah played it out in her head and couldn’t think of one good outcome from the previous times she’d taken that approach. He had never apologized in that old scenario, and she didn’t exactly feel dignified afterward. It hadn’t made him more prompt the next time.
So this time she decided to relinquish control, chalk up her husband’s transgression to his being a mere mortal man, and say only, “Hi! I’m ready to go. “They hadn’t even made it out of the driveway when her husband gave her a heartfelt apology for making them late. – The first one ever, according to Sarah.
She said it was a very special moment for her, especially since she believed her husband was just not the kind of guy to be emotionally supportive. As this story illustrates, her husband already knew she was disappointed without her saying a word or raising an accusing eyebrow. So there was nothing more to say.
She was already late to the party, but one problem she didn’t have was a conflict with her husband. Saying nothing about his tardiness left a space for him to hear his own conscience, which probably said something like, “You disappointed your wife. You should say you’re sorry. “So he did.
If she had followed her old pattern, that still small voice inside him would have likely been drowned out with thoughts like, “She doesn’t know what my day was like. I deserve more respect than this. She’s not perfect either. “What am I saying?
If your husband already knows you’re hurt or disappointed, leave some quiet space for him to listen to his own heart.
2. Let Him Exercise His Right to Be Wrong
You might be thinking that example of being late is a small thing compared to what your husband has done. True, being late is a minor offense. How do you let a big thing slide without comment? How do you not explode?
Pointing out your husband’s shortcomings, no matter how justified you feel, just doesn’t get the tender words you are longing for. It doesn’t make him shape up. It certainly doesn’t make him see things from your point of view. Not authentically.
The truth is that, it’s very hard for people to hear their conscience when they’re busy defending themselves and feeling hurt. And even though your husband seems like a big, strong man, your words can hurt him.
You may not be proud to admit that you’ve said many hurtful things over the years but one thing that will help you stay out of that kind of trouble now is reminding yourself that your husband has the right to be wrong. He’s only human. The human you chose to marry and promised to respect.
And when you show up respectfully in your marriage, your husband’s confidence grows because the woman who knows him best in the world thinks he deserves respect. And you know what confident people are more likely to do than those who feel insecure?
It’s not easy for anybody, and it takes some self-confidence to muster the humility. The more your husband feels respected, the more likely he is to feel that confidence.
Now this is to those whose, husband never say sorry to them and, when they confront them, the husband turns the problem point hands at you as if you were the one whose fault it was
3. Clean Up Your Side of the Street
When you truly learn what respect looks like, you will truly be pretty shocked at all the ways you yourself also haven’t been respectful.
Maybe you may have not observed how you have been trying to help your husbanded in all things right?
Ok, so here’s the problem with that. You trying to help your husband all the time, means he feeling criticized all the time because that’s how “helpful” in wife language translates for husbands.
When you open your eyes a little wider to get a glimpse of all the destruction in the wake of you disrespect, you will realize you may have plenty to apologize for.
Not that you have done something and felt like apologizing! Maybe I preferred pointing out what your husband should apologize to YOU for. But that has never worked. It wouldn’t get you apologies, and it will not get you the connection or the feeling loved and desired feel you want.
But once you turn your attention to cleaning up my own side of the street and finding in you the willingness to apologize for the specific times you had fallen short of your own standards, something will definitely shift.
The culture in your relationship will change. The walls will come down so fast. The funny thing is that you will no longer feel so attached to hearing those words.
Once you owned your own failings, the tension will be broken. Who knows that getting yourself to apologize would lead to the outcome you are craving.
By Emmanuel Osei Akoto